Why "BIRTHMOTHER" Means "BREEDER"
by Diane Turski
I had never heard the term "birthmother"
until I reunited with my son. When the social worker who located
me referred to me as his "birthmother," my first reaction
was to instinctively recoil in distaste. What is a "birthmother?"
It occurred to me that perhaps she had merely applied this ridiculous
sounding term in an attempt at political correctness, so I ignored
it. However, when my son's adoptive mother initiated her first
contact with me she referred to him as my "birthson."
What is a "birthson?" And what would a "birthfather"
be - I didn't know that fathers gave birth! In a "birthfamily"
are there also "birthsisters," "birthbrothers,"
"birthgrandparents," "birthaunts," "birthuncles,"
"birthcousins," "birthpets," etc?
It was then that I began to suspect that these
ridiculous "birth" terms were not merely being applied
in a benign attempt at political correctness. Was it possible
that the adoption industry intended to insult us by applying
these ridiculous labels to us? Is it possible that we mothers
have been so naive that we haven't yet realized their true intent?
Could it be that we are insulting ourselves every time that
we apply or allow others to apply these ridiculous terms to
us?
Investigating, I learned that U.S. social workers
had collaborated about 30 years ago to invent their own list
of contrived terms to appease their adopting clients. Adopters
no longer wanted anyone to use the original term "natural
mothers." Why? Three reasons: 1) it indicated respect for
the mother's true relationship to her child - she could not
be written-off as a "convenient slut" whose only value
was reproduction, 2) it recognized that the sacred mother/child
relationship extended past birth and even past surrender, and
3) it implied that the adoptive mother's relationship to the
child was unnatural.
The adoption industry didn't want adoption to
be considered unnatural - they could lose customers this way!
After all, people were paying good money for "a child of
their own."
Adopters didn't want a reminder that the child
they were adopting still had a loving parent somewhere else.
After all, social workers had promised them a child "as
if born to."
So social workers responded by creating a list
of ridiculous "birth" terms meant to confine the mother's
relationship with her child to simply giving birth, ending at
that point. In other words, "birthmother" is simply
a euphemism for "incubator" or "breeder."
Then, social workers deliberately disguised their
disrespectful intent by calling it "Respectful Adoption
Language." "Respectful" to adoptive parents,
who are now to be called "parents," as if the two
natural parents no longer exist.
Deliberately creating the term "birthmother"
was a further attempt to break the bond between mother and child;
in addition to altering birth records to indicate that adopters
gave birth, sealing the original birth certificate, and changing
the child's identity with a false adopted name. Adoption is
built on lies and denials of truth, so we mothers shouldn't
be surprised that "Respectful Adoption Language" is
just another deceitful ploy.
However, one truth that cannot be denied is the
truth that thousands of mothers and their lost children have
found in reunion: that the deep spiritual/emotional mother-child
bond between them has never been broken, despite the decades
they were separated. That natural motherhood is forever, that
the relationship extended *past* birth. Adopters feeling threatened
by this sometimes try to pressure adoptees to end reunions:
instead, they should hold their brokers accountable for lying
to them with the "as if born to" sales-pitch.
Now that we mothers have learned the truth about
the invention of these ridiculous "birth" terms, what
should we do about it? Do we really want to continue to disrespect
ourselves and allow the adoption industry to continue to disrespect
us by applying and allowing others to apply these terms to us?
Or should we insist on applying truly respectful language, such
as the term "natural mother," which is still used
in other countries who have not been as propagandized by the
United States adoption industry? I believe it is time for us
mothers to defend ourselves and our children from further insults
and attacks.
